I was bored for about five minutes over the weekend, so I went thru some of the dust-covered pics in the vidioview.com 20-year archives. Not only did I do the “Where are they now..” thing, but…who were they THEN? Let’s see how many you can identify…starting with an easy one to your left. And no cheating!!

It took a bit longer than I expected, but Keyon and Teyon, those infamous twins convicted recently of burglary, can be seen in a new comp release. Citebeur and Ebony D offer up “Black Hookups,” in a performance the PR says is “just as scandalous” as their convictions. And they promise a scene with “rising porn star” Marc Williams will leave you “breathless. OK, if they say so. It will be out the first of October, and is available, if you must, from The French Connection.

I was almost ready to throw “wind to the caution” and get an iPhone, almost, until I received a PR from Athletic Model Guild. Seems that the fine folk at Apple have determined that an update to the studio’s iPhone app is “in violation of the company’s service agreement…(because of) objectionable content.” The images deemed objectionable that resulted in the barring of an update featured two separate models from the 50s, both topless. That’s it. Topless. And cited as “obscene, pornographic, or defamatory.” Oddly, those two images still appear in an earlier version of the app, and were approved late July. AMG honcho Christopher Trout said it’s one thing the deny nudity, but censoring images “that could very well pop up in a Diet Coke commercial” shows there’s “something seriously wrong.”  Ya think?  AMG President Dennis Bell said that Apple’s actions were only unnecessary but also offensive, pointing out that there are plenty of apps featuring scantily clad women. Bell also commented that he was disappointed to see such a progressive company taking such a conservative approach, but “I’m not going to cry homophobia or sexism here.” To which I say, “Why in hell not??”

Mickey Skee did an item on the re-release of an Al Parker classic that caught my eye. Mickey, who has been writing about the porn industry since before sliced bread, is also a fan of the legendary (and true) superstar, and interviewed him in the ’80s. Now, Bijou Video has remastered Parker’s “Turned On” from ‘82, and it is now available on DVD. Certainly one of, if not, THE kinkiest of Parker’s movies, it also features Sky Dawson in this fantasy epic, where Parker “…sucks of 11 guys, humps five asses, and certainly turns on countless viewers. ” The highlights of the film, as if Parker himself isn’t enough, are such unique images as close-ups of an asshole on a squatting man, “revealing it nearly turned inside out,” and eye-popping orgasms. Parker called “Turned On” more bizarre than anything else he’s ever done. We love Bijou World for restoring and releasing to DVD these bits of gay history.

If you’re a fan of “True Blood” or “Being Human,” then perhaps you’d be interested in getting yourself “The Vamp.” It’s a new dlldo from Tantus, the toy manufacturer that recently brought back a newly-designed “Little Flirt® Anal Plug” (for the beginner, natch), inspired by the characters in TV shows/movies of that ilk. The Vamp has, according to the PR, “a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon’s soft glow,” and it also sparkles in the sunlight. Oh. You can also pop it into the fridge, and it will retain its coldness “for that extra bit of undead verisimilitude.” Hmmm.  I’ve got to look that up. But beware…   “…its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calls out to you in the night.”  There’s even a YouTube video on it. Great.

Time for again for Men Magazine to pick their 2009 Man of the Year. Well, they don’t pick him, you, the loyal readers do. With Twitters and Facebooks and all that other stuff, there shouldn’t be any problem finding celebs promoting their noms and encouraging their fans to vote early and vote often. Brought to you by the fine folks at Unzipped Media, the Man of the Year will be a double issue, the winner, of course, on the cover, and the top finalists inside. Gee, only 42 guys to choose from, all of whom appeared in recent layouts for the magazine. Last year’s winner was Reese Rideout, and didn’t that just stir up a bit of controversy. Yes, hard to believe there could be controversy in the gay porn industry. You can vote for your faves by ballot in the September Men Magazine, or online. Suggestions, anyone?

I blame David Forest.   It’s all his fault. A while back, he sold his successful Forest Entertainment/talent agency (David, left, with purchaser Howard Andrew from Fabscout), and it’s like he opened up the floodgates to see who would become the “new” David Forest, like there could ever be another. Not to cast aspersions on any of the other fine gentlemen who currently rep many of the talented performers, but it seems like everyone wants to get into the act. Jason Sechrest was the most recent, with the debut of DV8 Casting, and he has some luscious specimens among his clients. as well as many years experience in the industry. In fact, I was surprised that he didn’t include Jesse Santana among his acquisitions. Which brings me to Jesse. Jesse has just begun his very own talent management company, Jesse’s Boys. According to the PR, the company “will focus on providing bookings to adult film companies as well as clubs and bars nationwide with their exclusive models,” reads the press release. “I want to raise the bar and the standards for the models and the client. I’m constantly dedicated to growing our stable of guys and am guaranteeing our guys will be what we say they are,” Mr. Santana said. Not that I don’t wish him well, and he is a gorgeous guy who has done some really good film work, but…Jesse Santana, talent agent? The site currently lists seven models they’re handling, including Jesse himself. His launch party was last Saturday night at here lounge, a hop, skip and a jump from Numbers, where Jason Sechrest has his weekly “Industry” gig, featuring many of his clients. There seems to be something odd about all this.  I’m just sayin’…

Kirk Cummings is pissed. Says so just about everywhere. Oh, sure, the NY Times probably didn’t pick up the story, but the cute performer, on his blog page, has threatened to murder you with his big dick if you call him a tranny again. Oh, I guess I shouldn’t use the word “murder,” as his exact words are, “I will take my cock, shove it down your G*d damn throat until you choke and die on it.” Important to get that just right.  The Hot Rods Casting guy and Freshman of the Year finalist did tell People Magazine that if he could afford it, he would have the tranny op, and, after all, he did audition once for American Idol as a tranny. So it’s understandable just why Kirk himself doesn’t understand why everyone is calling him a tranny. But if you get to experience that big dick, maybe it’s worth a gamble. I don’t make this stuff up.

Michael Lucas wanted to let everyone know that he had cast Tristan Matthews for a movie shoot. He now wants everyone to know that Tristan was a no-show. Tristan, according to Lucas Entertainment, had confirmed his appearance with them and with mr Pam. Tristan was not answering his phone. Noting that Tristan is not the first performer to pull a stunt like this, the studio is “strongly recommending” everyone in the industry to share information “about models who flake.” No-shows can cause business problmes for all concerned, including the co-performers, the crew…production dates may have to be rescheduled. In this case, Arpad Miklos filled in. Lucas says they will never hire a model who creates “problems” for other companies, and will take that into consideration when hiring. Earlier, there were some who weren’t too pleased with Lucas’ policy of having models buy their own airfare and the reimburse them. The studio claims it has helped to avoid model no-shows and losing money over wasted flights. Lucas is recommending this to other companies. Let’s see who steps up to the plate.

Let’s see if “Ugly Betty” can maintain its position as the gayest show on mainstream TV. Porn diva Michael Lucas has won himself a walk-on role on the ABC show with a winning bid of $18G at a live auction. The Stonewall Dinner in the Delegates’ Dining Room at the UN, which had, as its guests, gay and lesbian “power players,” was an event to honor Dustin Lance Black and Mitchell Gold. “Of course I wanted to give money to Stonewall,” said Lucas, “but I also saw a chance to shake up television a bit: the first porn star cameo ever on a family program.” It will be interesting to see how ABC deals with a porn star on prime time TV. He will remain clothed, I suspect, and I wonder if the role will be credited.